false alarm. still invincible.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
