ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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