i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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