i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
