Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
