hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
