he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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