You smell like a Billy Joel song
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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