Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
