Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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