i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
