I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize