Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
These tits shall not be calmed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
