he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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