I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
organizing the empties. That sober.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
