i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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