New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
