she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
