Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
