I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
one might say we're banned from that church
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's like iHOP with fire
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
