I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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