Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
