I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
