Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
