WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
