Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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