thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
