So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize