my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
