i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
