peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
