do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
