i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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