so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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