I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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