awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
