Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
