Don't you send me to vm
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
