Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
