I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
