he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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