i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
