I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
