i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
