I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
