if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
