I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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