Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
