i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
