Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
