In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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