is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just pee around me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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