Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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