I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
