operation harelip BJ is a go
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize