somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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