your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
