I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
