is your mom at the bar?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
