theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Help. Why am I so naked?
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