Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
