you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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