Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We're too hungover to prance.
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