i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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