hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
