I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
