i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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