do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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